I should probably say there are MAJOR SPOILERS in this post, but I really don't care.Nicole Kidman Cruise Urban was born on June 20th 1967 (OLD COW) in Honolulu, which makes her an American-by-birth, which sucks for us. Terrorism, that's cool, but Nicole Kidman born on American soil? STAB ME PLZ. Ew. She was probably an ugly baby too, like a newborn naked mole rat. Then she moved to Australia or something. IDK.
Her suckage started all the way back in 1983, when at the age of 16, she starred in BMX Bandits, a superbly-made film about a trio of teenagers who sex each other up on awesomely bright bicycles and steal from corpses. It actually was a pretty great film, and she was surprisingly adequate, but in some of her scenes you can easily see her future of unparalleled horribleness. It was somewhat off-putting.
She's good in The Stepford Wives as well. Probably in The Invasion too, but there are some scenes where she sucks big time, so for the benefit of the doubt, she's kinda good. And despite that everyone seems to think she's good in The Interpreter, I can assure you she's offensively unpleasant. Ugh, that performance.Back to her megawatt suckitude. And movies she dies in! Yay!
The Others is such a bad bad bad bad movie, people. Not even Tom Cruise's brilliant producing talent could save that trainwreck. Oh, and THEY WERE ALL DEAD THE ENTIRE TIME. You're welcome.
In To Die For, she played Suzanne Stone, a now-long-forgotten martyr. She died for what she believed in - the power of television, but that damnable David Cronenberg (who directed the underrated A History of Violence and the overrated Eastern Promises) had to kill her 'cuz Richard Nixon told him to. Lame.
Then there's The Hours, in which she played obscure theatre costumer(?) Virginia Woolf and had a prosthetic nose. The movie's absolutely horrible and she's just as bad in it (as is everyone else except Ed Harris, he's good). And you just know there's nothing wrong with her - she's just being an overdramatic twit. Christ, lady, GET A JOB!
But the coup de grâce of her epic suckage is easily 2001's Razzie-winning Moulin Rouge! -- pretty much the worst film I've ever seen -- as Satine, the soulless fucktard whore. Thankfully, she got tuberculosis and died, something I couldn't be happier about. That bitch needed to die, toying with the glorious Duke's heart like that. Speaking of which, what the FUCK was up with her turning him down for that penniless writer bohemian douchenozzle? He didn't even have money! Idiot.
So, in short, Nicole Kidman: YOU SUCK.
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I was about to scream at the computer while reading this lol. I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when I got to the bottom of the post =)
Ha, I totally thought you were serious and was going to say something here until I got to the bottom of the post.
Well done, sir.
I'm just glad somebody finally recognized the greatness that is BMX Bandits.
Scott
he-shot-cyrus.blogspot.com
I love it. Scratch that, I LOVE it. Such meaning just through italicization.
Nicole Kidman is possibly the worst actress ever. For God's sake, Jessica Alba's done more varied work. Look at her filmography: Moulin Rouge!, Dogville, The Others, To Die For, Birth, Margot at the Wedding- she gives the exact same performance everytime! When will all these pretentious know-it-alls stop kissing her ass and acknowledge real talent like Dane Cook.
;) This post was awful! Please stop blogging.
I knew what the deal with this entry was but it still hurt me like a knife to the heart.
*hugs Glenn*
Obviously I think the opposite. Incredibly so. This post was the culmination of a mega-marathon I've been sporadically having over the last month - mostly films of hers I haven't seen - so I've flushed out a lot of her filmography, and I LOVE her an unbelievable amount now. Like, favorite actress level.
List time!
RANKING OF HER FILMS
01. Moulin Rouge! (#1 for '01)
02. The Hours (#2 for '02)
03. The Others (#5 for '01)
04. To Die For (#1 for '95)
05. Eyes Wide Shut (#3 for '99)
06. Dogville (idk where but def. top ten for '04)
07. The Interpreter
08. Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus
09. Birth
10. The Invasion
11. The Golden Compass
12. Birthday Girl
13. Margot at the Wedding
14. The Stepford Wives
15. Happy Feet
16. BMX Bandits
RANKING OF HER PERFORMANCES
01. Moulin Rouge! (lead - #1/#2 for '01)
02/03. The Others (lead - #3 for '01)
02/03. The Hours (supporting - #1 for '02)
04. To Die For (lead - #1 for '99)
05. Dogville (lead - #2 for '04)
06. Eyes Wide Shut (supporting - #3 for '99)
07. Birth (lead - #5/#6 for '04)
08. The Interpreter (lead - #5 for '05)
09. Margot at the Wedding (tba)
10. The Golden Compass
11. Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus
12. Birthday Girl
13. The Invasion
14. The Stepford Wives
15. BMX Bandits
Mm-hmm.
You are by far the least eloquent, least talented and least humorous blogger I know.
However, I think Kidman is also the most overrated, untalented, inelegant actress alive, and I think she is hideous.
I really think that I better not ever buy Moulin Rouge on DVD, I hated it so much. That movie deservedly swept the Razzies, but even a Razzie is too much of an honour for such an unpleasant film. And all that unpleasantness is because of Kidman and her awfulness.
In short, J.D., please don't ever waste your time and mine again, and stop posting awful posts about awful actresses who deserve to be forgotten, and left for dead. Such distasteful writing makes me miserable.
p.s. I disagree strongly with your ranking system, how could you be so wrong???
*END BIZARRONESS*
Valley Dreamin' for life.
I still say Birth is a classic that will be hailed as a masterpiece in 20 years time and Kidman's performance will be studied in acting classes.
MARK MY WORDS.
You'll find our how much I loved her in Margot soon enough, too. Let's just say it was a lot.
Ooh you little prankster. you almost had me
Well Glenn, maybe in 20 years I can call it a masterpiece. I'm not entirely sold on it yet, but I certainly don't hate it, so that's good. I did love aspects of it (Bright, Heche, and the cinematography especially), sometimes the movie itself, but it's surreal vagueness probably made me only really like it. Maybe with another viewing I'll get it...
To everyone else: *dances around in a circle mischievously while humming "Twisted Nerve"*
Birth was a good Kidman performance- I agree with J.D. in that I probably need another viewing- but her best 2004 performance was in Dogville. When I saw that, I knew that Nicole Kidman was going to be one of the greats.
Birth is an awful and Kidman's performance is overracted, glenn, but I have to say her best performance in this 2004 is Dogville, best film and great performance. Now people who hated Dogville before now loved it... Lars Von Trier is a master in acting: Emily Watson, Björk and Nicole Kidman
I don't necesasry hated her, but I never trust again, awful after awful choices... I never trust her again. She's a good actress but I think she needs a new agent or a new perspective
Dogville > Birth, yes.
Also, when you're a reasonably close runner-up to a chick who I'd probably nominate for Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role EVER... that's impressive, I think.
Originall I prefered both Dogville and Kidman's performance in it, but over time I have changed. Still, for 2004 she has the two best performances by anybody and the two films are the two best of the year. Impressive.
Also, how anybody can call Kidders' Birth performance as "overacted" is beyond me. It is the epitome of underacting. Is she staring too hard? Did you mean "overrated"?
Yeah, if there's a term that doesn't quite make sense to Anna, it's overacted. But I think anon meant "overrated" - he used two Rs that make it look like the C is a typo. In which case, that makes more sense, at least on a subjective level.
Can I just say though, because I forgot to mention it, OMG THE SCORE?! That was fucking amazing, and easily Desplat's best, I think (which is impressive in itself). It was so innapropriate and off-putting, but it was so surreal and beautiful and wonderful, and, most importantly, it worked. LOVE.
j.d. thank you for the clearing, sorry for that... The real word "overrated". Spanish is my first language and the prinicpal who has in my mind is "sobreactuando"
Glenn, "birth" is a mess. Weak and strange screenplay about serious topics. I'm sorry, but for me Kidman is lame, same expressions of sadness and use the same voice and faces from "the Hours" but without the same impact... I saw the film three times (2004, 2005 and 2008) and my reaction are the same. Better performances about similar theme we have Laura Linney in "P.S." (More effective movie and performance) and Charlotte Rampling in "under the Sand".
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