Monday Movie Meltdown, 8th Ed.

I've decided that every Monday(s), I'm gonna awkwardly scribble down some fractured thoughts on the movies I watched over the past week(s), except those which I've already reviewed.

This was a genuinely weird week. With just about all of them, I was frustrated with failing to nail down a grade for them, and it's really left me confused over how much I actually liked them. I don't even have an MVP this week. Add that to a re-watch of Hero inspired by my earlier post that totally made me confused over how much I actually liked THAT... well, my head hurts. Every so often, my mortally enigmatic letter grade scale fails me. It's NOT a professional grade by any means, I'm tellin' ya. If I wanted to start writing legitimate reviews one day, I'd use a 5-star scale that is vastly more reasonable and generally more accurate to my feelings. The grades don't really mean anything. IDK, I'm just venting. Now, let's get to the very clever and very depressing movies I saw this week, done with the usual amount of quasi-adjectives and drooling over hot guys that distract me from my thoughts.

Also, let's all just say this was posted on Monday. Alright? Alright. Coolio. Oh, and Fargo won the poll, unsurprisingly. Chungking Express would've been last week's MVP, if I did one. I really loved that movie. Hopefully I'm getting the Criterion for Christmas! Which would be sweeeeeet.

The Sound of Music -- Yeah, this was my first viewing. That really confuzzles me, because isn't this, like, the prerequisite movie you're supposed to show your kids? Alas. Well, it's pleasant as hell, and has a lot of Nazis. [Whee!] The song score is among the best I've ever heard, honestly. I really loved it, but it wasn't like a total love, you know? If only my parents worked it in earlier. *sigh*

Love Actually -- Awwwww! This was so freakishly adorable in a way only those saucy, f'd-up Brits could manage. It's happy and self-knowing, but always in an overtly cute way. Why is it, though, that the only storyline consisting of non-Brits ends... unsatisfyingly? For both us and the characters? It also stings because it consists of the sexiest guy and (arguably) the best actress in the whole movie. Bleh, whatever. I still loved it, for all it's quirky awkwardness.

But seriously, Rodrigo is a sexy, sexy man. Speaking of Laura...

You Can Count on Me -- Laura Linney is my God, as you know, but I was committing a mortal sin for not having seen this yet. Now I have, and my love for her has actually GROWN. It might really be her best performance. Mark Ruffalo is also really, really great. It's funny and sweet, and very sincere. Pretty much as good as indie family dramas can get, which is definitely a good thing.

The Maltese Falcon -- Fortunately, it lived up to it's reputation.

Breathless -- The seminal Godard. It's not perfect, but I think that's why it's so great. If it were perfect, you could never be interested in what's happening. The ways in which it was made and laid out were truly radical. Jean-Paul Belmondo's performance stands out as well. He's completely up for any crazy thing the film asks of him. And not that it has anything to do with anything, but wow, that man was gorgeous. I surely loved it. Now I'm curious, with two films of his down, what I'll really think about Godard once I see more...

Secrets & Lies -- One of the more blissfully devastating films I've seen in a while. It's ultimately positive, but it's almost melodramatic whole is oddly entertaining in a very draining way. Brenda Blethyn, MY GOD. That was one masterly fucking performance. Marianne Jean-Baptiste, too, even if it was a quiet, more subtle portrayal. It was all so affecting.

The Fall -- Imaginative and totally amazing, to say the least. It's absolutely sumptuous imagery and rather simple but still mind-blowing storytelling techniques make this one of the most stunning films I've ever seen. But as it gradually turned into a harrowing fight for survival and humanity, it became harder and harder to watch. By the end, my eyes were almost bleeding, my body was shaking, and I felt completely numb. I don't know if I can say anything else on it. It's so WOW. But... Lee Pace is gorgeous even when he's suicidal. I had to say it.

See. what. I. mean? Anyway, how was your week, cinematically or otherwise? I really do care about y'all. Every single crazy one of you.

Typicality

Lets talk about movies, shall we? Specifically, lets discuss three films coming out soon that I unsurprisingly really want to see, in mostly positive ways. They're all weirdly sexy, too!

Blindness is typical because I like the apocalypse. It's actually an unhealthy obsession, but that's none of your business. And when a film comes out describing a frightening scenario of society's downfall, I become... inappropriately wet. Children of Men completely solidified this as truth, being the greatest film ever made and all. And despite the disastrous buzz post-Cannes -- because the film was majorly re-cut and it gained much better word at Toronto -- I really have hope that this will kick ass. I'm almost sure it will, in fact. Plus, we (superior Americans) only have to wait SIX MORE DAYS to find out, yay.

Next up is City of Ember, Gil Kenan's live-action follow up to the very good Monster House. Why is this typical? One word: Saoirse. Next!

Last, and certainly least, is High School Musical 3: Senior Year. If you're wondering how this might be typical, then welcome to my blog, first-time visitor! I'm of the Hannah Montana generation, and I'm very proud of it. I used to be really bitchy towards myself for it, but I really don't give a shit what anyone thinks anymore. I WANT THIS MOVIE SO BADLY. It's like an extraordinarily perverse pregnancy craving. I know it'll suck, and judging from HSM2 I probably won't even enjoy it, but do I worry about that? Hell no. Will I give Disney my $9.50? Hell yes. Will I give them another $9.50? I wouldn't rule it out completely. It's always been that way, and it shall always be that way. At least until the Dypraxa kicks in. *cough / cough*

So, what do you want to see that might come to a theater near you that's totally typical for you? Honestly, I'm sort of curious... and I love reader interaction. Comments make the voices shut the hell up. FYI.

I'm a Baaaaaaad Parent

At least with treating my blog-baby right.

Even if I don't think I'm the best blogger there is, that doesn't mean I can just neglect my little mistake, right? I love my little VD. He's so shiny and loud and confused, just like his daddy. Speaking of him, he's somewhere between being a boy and being a... less boy-like male person. But most times, he doesn't know what to do. And he may come up with something, but he can never articulate it in the way he wishes it were. He wants to feed his baby, but he can rarely do so with something that won't make him hungry again in an hour. It's tiresome. Sometimes I think of putting him up for adoption, but that involves the law, so that's out. I am NOT abandoning him, though. Sadly, y'all know what happened the last time I did that to one of my children. Well, I didn't abandon JMC as much as I left it in another (very crazy AND very British) person's care, but I didn't think it through, and when I came back my little baby was gone. Literally, gone.

*sniffle*
Then for some reason I just had to have another one! I'M NOT GOOD WITH RESPONSIBILITY. Why can't I just remember that? I can't even make toast. I really need to settle down with a nice rich old guy I can mooch off of until he kicks the bucket and I get at least $40 million from his will. Until then, I got my son. His SS doesn't even come in every month anymore. Fuck. So what am I to do? I'm not very good-looking, and my junk's all worn out. I'm clumsy, and near-sighted, and I cry at carefully timed intervals, but they may seem spontaneous. Plus, I'd have to lug the kid around everywhere I went, and that's a chore, believe me.

What the hell is this post about...?
Life with AND without people sucks.
They always mess themselves up.
And in their absence...
you can only mess with yourself.
Save me, Laura.

Happy Autumn Equinox!

Be careful who you play with, children.

Adolescent, Non-Related Notes on the Emmys

This is probably the most excited I've ever been for the Emmys. Of course, it's a weak accomplishment, but it's still important. I, like a lot of people, have always taken television for granted, and that's really started to change. Television CAN be art, damnit! So, lets take a look at a couple of my favorite shows, in a way only I can do (I hope, LMAO).

On the Comedy front, 30 Rock is obviously major. But since it has a lot of obvious and due acclaim, let's talk about my other fave: Pushing Daisies. I've been re-watching the season the past couple of days on DVD, and I really forgot how magical and quirky it is! I also forgot how absolutely gorgeous Lee Pace is. The way he wears his clothes, the way he squeaks and sighs his voice, the way he stares at stuff. I LOVE HIM. He's dreamy, hunky, beautiful, funny, tender, and seriously, that voice. It's like velvet rubbing against silk. Or something orgasmic like that. Please win tonight. We both know you won't, but in my mind, you always will.

Drama for me is singularly dominated by one show: Mad Men. Not only is it the best show on television by a seriously enormous gap, it's possibly one of the best of all-time. It's almost indulgent in it's brilliance, and all of the show's many arcs are done with the wisest balances of sincerity, deception, lustiness, and corporate (and literal) bitchery. The most amalgamated of these themes might as well be Joan Holloway, played AWESOMELY by Christina Hendricks. She's rarely a major character, but she always steals any scene she's in. Mostly by walking. Holy mother of god, that figure. How that many curves can fit into so many awkward looking dresses is a miracle within itself. She probably represents pure sex to me more than anyone else I can think of. Just... UGH.

I'm so confused.

To Nick on His 17th Birthday

Okay, this took five months of planning, 400 Armenian slave-hands, and $120,000 in rights and payment (they're both total divas), but I actually managed it. For you Nicholas Plowman, one of my most bestest friends ever, and one helluva blogger:

LMAO. Happy birthday, dude!

Be the One, or: "The Ting Tings Are Awesome"

They seriously, seriously are. I really like this, because it's weirdly fuzzy... if you know what I mean. Like, quiet, comfortable, nice. It makes me feel happy. "That's Not My Name" is still their best video, tho. What ya think?

Monday Movie Meltdown, 7th Ed.

I've decided that every Monday(s), I'm gonna awkwardly scribble down some fractured thoughts on the movies I watched over the past week(s), except those which I've already reviewed.

Phew, just made it. Great week, yeah, yeah. Let's talk about the poll. I thought we were all over The Dark Knight. So why did it win? The Night of the Hunter and Sunrise (SUNRISE) were options. Yet, TDK won. I want the names of the people who voted it, and their motives. NOW. *sigh*

Also saw Vicky Cristina Barcelona, The Misfits (which is too hard to nail down), and Black Narcissus (Week MVP; review coming soon - promise).

Reprise -- A poignant, electrifying jolt of cinematic life. It's too complicated to sum up in concrete terms, but that's the awesome part of it - it's something you really have to experience, and you can't get it from someone explaining it to you. It teeters between being vibrant and intimate, loudly and subtly, so much, and it consistently works to the film's advantage. It's truly beautiful, truly special filmmaking. So, do see it.

Redbelt -- Surprising good. It's unfocused and tepid, but it's intriguing (though not exactly interesting) enough to keep you watching. Chiwetel Ejiofor gives a very good performance, and most of the cast is adequate or better. Emily Mortimer is the definite standout, though. No surprise. I don't know if I'd, like, recommend it, but overall, I liked it.

Breakfast at Tiffany's -- There are a lot of legendary and iconic films that everyone knows my heart that I have shamefully and inexplicably never seen in my life. Up until last week, Breakfast at Tiffany's was on that list. What took me so long? This was seriously amazing. It's romantic comedy, and it's balanced melodrama, was always enjoyable and exuberant. It's like a giant happy fluffy orgasm. Audrey Hepburn is so pitch-perfect as Holly, isn't she? She was so charming. The music is pretty great, and the writing, and the photography, and the costumes, and the everything. I swooned more than I should have, but I don't care.

Annie Hall -- The epitome of neuroticism. It's excellent and amazing and mind-blowingly funny, of course. I hella loved it. But MAN, was it neurotic! I wasn't expecting that much, to be honest, lol. I don't really have much else to say. What else is there to say?

Burn After Reading -- Crazy, crazy, crazy. Seriously, this movie needs some serious dosage, and FAST. It's all over the place in tone and in plot, confusing, illogical, and fucked up beyond a good deal of belief. It's not exactly brilliant, but it's certainly peculiar. McDormand is definitely the best of the cast, with Malkovich and Pitt not far behind. Swinton didn't really have a lot to do except be an ice bitch, a type she excels at, and her performance is only noteworthy for that. And I just don't like Clooney as an actor. I try, but I can never find a lot to love. IDK. Long story short: this movie is why the modern term "WTF" was created. And in the end, there is no point to the madness, except to show us how stupid humanity can be. It actually really works in that respect.

So, what have y'all seen recently? I'm always all ears.

I Have Dreams of Murdering You

Okay, so I haven't really made good on my promise to actually blog. I'm totally drained. I feel like I've been walking into a wall repeatedly for the past three weeks or so. My everything hurts, a lot. As per usual, I'm not sure what exacting is causing this natural, aching rut... but let's just blame Eric van der Woodsen. That little bitch Jenny Humphrey, too.

To be perfectly honest, it's not really either of their faults. They're both just... too relatable to me. I mean, it's sort of obvious -- Eric is a suicidally depressed gay teenage boy (!), and Jenny is a whiny idiot who'll do whatever it takes to get into a world she continually underestimates. Both are territory I am very familiar with.

The GG episode "All About My Brother" has caused me a lot of stress since I watched it. Not only was Eric's coming out shocking and then sweet, but it was also Jenny's final (for season one) downfall from the shallow cliques, leading her into the arms of her loving family. Those two plots were very somber, and kind of grounded the over-the-topness of the rest of the episode, even if it still isn't entirely realistic. I wish I had a family like the Humphreys or the Van Der Woodsens. Um. Would anyone like to be my protective older sibling? A Dan and/or a Serena would be perfectly acceptable. Applications are available in the lounge.

I also want Penélope Cruz to win the Oscar for Supporting Actress this year. I might as well say it, since I'm just spouting. Vicky Cristina Barcelona as a film was very nice, rather breezy, and I liked it a lot. But Cruz completely stole the show every time she opened her mouth. Spanish, English, both; it doesn't matter. She was brilliantly bonkers. I'm not even sure how she received the buzz she's had for months, but I'd really love for her to keep it till the bitter end. It seems doable, and it would be a very worthy performance to win. Also, "Academy Award-winner Penélope Cruz." I mean, right???

Scarlett Johansson made me a bit sad, though. It's an adequate performance, but never anything special-ish. It's been like that consistently since (arguably) Match Point, hasn't it? I really fear she'll never be able to cash in on her promise again, which depresses me so. I actually hypothesized as I was leaving the theater, that she could become a Lauren Bacall type of movie star -- sexy, iconic, but rarely, if ever, considered a great actress. At least Bacall had Bogie. What does ScarJo have? Ryan frickin' Reynolds. Ugh. Whatever.

I'm trying to think of any other random shit on my mind, but I'm drawing a blank. It's well enough, anyways, because I've established my point: Blogging, for me, is reckless and random, first and foremost... right? 'Cuz it's very true. I try to follow the margins and line breaks and thesauruses, and I fail miserably and cry. But this, this rambling on and on? That's me! And I'm J.D. Who the hell are you?

Here's Some Good Oscar Baiting Trailer News

I think I owe it to everyone. I've decided not to post the Revolutionary Road EW first look because not only have you probably seen it by now, but it it doesn't even need to be posted for everyone to drool over it. It just needs to be. Or something. No, let's check out the THIRD trailer for something extraordinary baity to come out in the past 24 hours:

Angelina Jolie on a truth-hunt while scream-crying!
Or, Changeling. Or, The Changeling. Or, The Exchange. Whatever.

Being serious, it looks better than I thought it would be. Actually, it looks like it might be incredible, at least for Jolie's performance. She seems very sincere in all her line readings, which is definitely comforting. If anyone's my front-runner now, it's definitely her. Also, I want to mention that I think Tom Stern's photography looks excellent, as well. Is it weird that I think this has been a GREAT year for cinematography? I think it's sort of weird. Okay, nvrmnd.

Well, what do you think of the trailer?

The Soloist: A Film by Joe Wr... NO.

The trailer for The Soloist came out today, and it looks like something the Academy would completely drool over, doesn't it? But when a film is drenched in their germs, it tends to become undesirable. To be fair, though, this was never desirable in the first place, but just imagine how bad it's gonna get once it opens, and from there.

My issue with this sappy nightmare is, naturally, the director: Joe Wright. He of Pride & Prejudice and Atonement - my best pictures of 2005 and 2007, respectively. Obviously, I have faith in him to turn this into something watchable... but I'd rather just pretend he has no connection to this whatsoever. Even if he like chose this project to test himself and his directorial abilities, which isn't incredibly far-fetched. With two movies, he's already cemented himself as one of my most favorite directors. I just really don't want to see him fail.

I was so gonna make a Seventh Seal joke with this picture. But that'd probably be a bit too obvious. JUST LIKE THE SOLOIST.

I'm Still Alive, BTW

Sorry about my seeming disinterest in blogging. I've been melancholy lately, lol. I'll try my best to put some damn effort into stuff for the rest of the week!

So how are my readers (if you're still here) today?

Dear Poster Designing People of the World

Stop sucking at your jobs. Anne deserves better, and you know it. Boo.

Sincerely,
J.D.

In related news, I will just DIE if she wins the Volpi Cup. *OMFG*

Why I'm Excited for Miracle at St. Anna

Miracle at St. Anna, directed by Spike Lee, comes out at the other end of the month, and I'm really excited for it. There are a few reasons I could theorize, but despite anything else, it's mainly one thing:

Alexandra Maria Lara!
When the trailer came out, I SWORE that was her. No one else is as stunningly beautiful as Alexandra in this or any world, and her beauty is very recognizable. Well, it apparently is her, so yay. And not only because I was right! This should be interesting. I mean, she plays Axis Sally! AXIS SALLY! I have absolutely no idea how long she'll be in the movie, but I hope at least it gives her some more exposure. She should be treated like the second coming, people. Get on that. That is all.

P.S.: See Youth Without Youth. Please?

Monday Movie Meltdown, 6th Ed.

I've decided that every Monday(s), I'm gonna awkwardly scribble down some thoughts on the movies I watched over the past week, except those which I've already reviewed. Good idea, right? So original too, OMG.

Okay, so here we are. It's kinda a day late, I'M SORRY. I can't force these things. I also had to limit my thoughts and the amount of movies this week, but if there's anything you might wonder about (or my thoughts on the un-reviewed), I promise I'll make up for it in the comments. But, OMG, the first MMM poll (!) was fun. The Third Man won, which wasn't surprising (and it WAS the best, yay), with The Deep End and 8 Women being the runners-up. The new poll is up (and seems to be a humdinger! I can't believe I just used that word). In the past two weeks, I also saw The Deep End, Tropic Thunder, Key Largo, The Hidden Fortress, The Third Man, The House Bunny, Jezebel, Notorious, Penelope, Touch of Evil, 101 Dalmatians, You Are Not Alone, and a lot of Gossip Girl. That group would look awesome if I reviewed some of them. *sigh*

Night Nurse / Baby Face -- Barbara Stanwyck, I hardly knew ye. Seriously, I didn't, so this was a day of discovery. WHAT A DAY, though. Both are excellent, and they're wonderfully pre-code. As a film, I think Night Nurse is better, but Baby Face features the better lead performance. They're both awesome, though. Needless to say, I already love her. I should watch Double Indemnity, shouldn't I? Yeah, yeah, don't push it. ;) Bonus points: Joan Blondell is also a treat in Nurse.

The Breakfast Club -- I have somehow gone 15 years without ever seeing this. I don't know, either. But... it's perfect. It's obvious I love a lot of stuff, but I rarely call anything "perfect" (it's a very flawed term), but The Breakfast Club is absolutely perfect. Week MVP.

Day for Night -- On a hunch, and before I saw any of his films, I figured François Truffaut would become one of my favorite directors. The 400 Blows practically proved it, but you can't prove a theory with just one example. So now that I've seen two, I can say it's proven, and mean it! It's hard to imagine a film as throughly cinematic as this. It really feels like you're watching people live their lives and do what they do, rather than just actors in a production in a production. That's my favorite part of the film's brilliance. My second favorite is the ensemble. Everyone feels incredibly natural and unforced, which sometimes heightens the events into almost realism. Valentina Cortese (who got a very deserved Oscar nom out of it) leads the pack, undoubtedly. But for some reason, I thought Truffaut himself delivered a really good performance. I know, I couldn't believe it either! But when a guy can make a film as brilliant as Day for Night... yeah, he can pretty much be God as far as I'm concerned.

The Philadelphia Story -- OMG! LOL! Definitely as great as it's reputation implies. The entire cast is a billion sorts of awesome, with Katharine Hepburn top among them. It might be my favorite performance of hers I've seen yet! The comedy, as well as the slight melodrama, is actually breathtaking. It's all great. Very, very great.

8 Women -- It's delightful...? I want to say that, but ultimately, it's not very accurate. But when it is, it certainly is. What it definitely is, though, is an overly dutiful credit to multi-hyphenates everywhere. Being a French mystery-comedy-musical and all. This also counts as my first Ozon, which I sorta can't believe. I want more, needless to say. His ability to direct the crazy stylized situations and, especially, the actresses is totally amazing to behold. Speaking of which, none of the titular eight are ever less than great. Of all of them, Isabelle Huppert was my favorite. As a chronic whiner, I was majorly impressed by her skills. I have NEVER heard someone talk-scream like that! But the mystery makes the movie, and the songs make it better. The ways they randomly break out are beautiful, aren't they? I loved it. When I watching it, I kept thinking "So this is what would happen if you threw Far from Heaven, Gosford Park, and anything by Jacques Demy in a blender?" I can't see how that could be a bad thing, either.

The Life Before Her Eyes -- I would be very interested to delve into what it's about or what it's trying to say (the stupefying ending, especially)... if it were any good. It's pretty, I'll give it that, but that's about it. It's too tedious and sometimes dangerously self-important to be taken seriously, and Perelman's unfocused direction doesn't help to explain any of it. It's just... no. Hell no. Read Matt's review, but try not to see the movie.

It feels good to be negative for once!

So, how is everybody out there? What've you seen lately?

"Copyright MCMXXXVI" My Ass

Yeah, um, that can't possibly be right. Can it? I don't believe it. You're a liar, totally accurate title card. You're ruining the moral fiber of 1936 by masquerading as such! You know you're guilty! Give it up!!!

SO. AMAZING.