Future Chloe Shock

I realize it's almost May. But you knew this is about when I would start announcing Chloe shit, so shut up and take it.

But yes. It's almost time for me to finally get them over with. All I've got left to do is close off the most important blind spots I have and revisit some stuff. I doubt the prototypes I have for the nominees right now will be much different when I unveil them, but I like being thorough and sure.

Like, tonight I finally re-watched Rachel Getting Married (orig review), and loved it a bit more than before. Will it make my top ten? ... Am I really gonna tell you that? Jeez. I mean, I know I've blabbed a lot of what it and the awards will look like to a few people, but I ain't doin' that anymore! And am purposely wrench-throwing it up. So HAH.

Did I just mock no one and everyone at once? Ooh, I impressed myself.

In any case... I've decided to start them on Tuesday, May 12 (which should hopefully give me enough time get the viewings done and make sure I'm not making more mistakes than I need to) with a gradual top ten posting and the off-site stuff some may remember from my attempts last year.

<--- this may mean nothing. or everything. HMMMMMMM.

I honestly am trying to come out of left field, though not at the expense of my actual opinion, obviously. It's not gonna look like an AMPAS ballot, just trust that. It's also gonna be juvenile and emotionally-based (which you all should know from reading me for... however long you have, if you have).

I guess the entirety of what I'm saying is that I'm weird. And that I needed to post something more general and naturally comment-prone to counterbalance the niche-y stuff lately. Pfft, that sounds so studio!

So. May 12. REMEMBER THAT. In case I forget.

Listen, Julia...

You know I love you, and always will, and I can guess why you chose to do it (IRONY!), but... gah. Not to say you weren't convincing and/or great in I Served the King of England as a spunky little Nazi - which is perhaps the weirdest part - but imagine it as I was... SOPHIE SCHOLL IS IMAGINING HITLER TO GET IN THE MOOD SO SHE CAN BECOME PREGNANT WITH A "FOUNDER OF THE NEW EUROPE."

*worried face*
That is also seriously messed up, thanks. Ugh.

You crazy German broad. Sigh. I love ya.

Delusions of Amazingness

Damn it, Glenn. Of all the things on the internet, you get me addicted to fake DVD cover art? I'm kind of impressed.

Okay, so pretty much, over at The Auteurs - spin-off association thing of The Criterion Collection that has a forum - there's a thread where members put their photoshopping skills to work and create faux Criterion cover art for films ranging from the most obscure to the most... already widely-available. It's a mass delusion, pretty much. But an AMAZING delusion. I wish there were so I could waste more time staring at them.

Here are some of my faves of what has been made so far. [Which is what Glenn did. But whatever, originality is overrated.] They're purely based on how well designed or Criterion-y I think they are, because I've seen... three of these (if we're including Persona up there). Hm. MAYBE IF THEY WERE ON CRITERION they would be easier to see. *whistles nonchalantly*

Of course, all artwork were created by the people who created them, but I'm not sure they own them because they were already working with copyrighted images they have no legal control over, and since these are obviously not real and they therefore had no right to use those images, I shall not credit the specific clever photoshoppers, but I'll still echo them here, which is probably some sort of double infringement we mortals don't comprehend. It's all a circle of fraud!

...what?

I don't know, I'm tired. So, look. Now. And bask in the drool-worthiness.


ESPECIALLY THE JESSE JAMES ONE OMG. That is, like, perfect. Sigh.

And speaking of Casey Affleck (sorta, I guess)...

Oh. Em. Gee.
ME WANT.
ME WANT SO FUCKING HARD.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.
God, I'm pissed these don't actually exist.

But Just Saying It Could Even Make It Happen

I'm not very sure how to start this, so I'll just say it: I finally came out to my mom today. Granted, I basically had already done that before, but I never said "I'm gay" or anything even similar. Aaaand today I did. Finally.

BUT, I'm more interested in that this majorly belated, sort of anti-climactic claim to life was caused by... Kate Bush. I was listening to my iPod (on shuffle) in my room, bundled up in the covers, and after Duffy's "Distant Dreamer" (my ANTHEM) finished, "Cloudbusting" played. I was paying oddly close attention to the lyrics, and for whatever reason the hook:

And every time it rains
You're here in my head
Like the sun coming out
(Like your son's coming out)
Ooh, I just know that something good is gonna happen
I don't know when
But just saying it could even make it happen

...seemed as if Kate was telling me to just get it over with. Odd, no? It just... IDK, worked so well as a weird rallying cry, and it gave me the power to muster as much courage as I had to finally DO IT. And I did it. And it... did not go anywhere near as bad as my stupid pessimistic brain said it would be. I mean, we hugged so much. *sniffles*

And thinking about it, "Hounds of Love" would also have worked, albeit in an even weirder way. So YAY KATE BUSH. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I am also really proud of myself for the first time in, like, ever, so yay me too. :)

Happy Birthday, Babe

I don't care if you're 30 now, you still hump like a teenager. ♥

Audience: More pictures!! MORE!!!!!

I concur.

Keep in mind that's all mine, okay? Especially you, Anne-Marie. Ya bitch.

Notoriety. At Any Cost.

That's right, the 2nd Annual LAMMYs (@ The Large Association of Movie Blogs) have come! This is my first year with VD, obviously, but not my first. Last year, I actually won one with JMC! I'd say my FYCing worked but I actually didn't FYC the category I won - Best Use of Technology (Alternative Media), LOL. So this year I'm bypassing the false modesty and reasonability and just completely going for broke. I'm already insane, why not? Presenting this year's LAMMY For Your Consideration ad for VD:

Notice how it doesn't even say it's an FYC ad? Nor that it ever specifically communicates what it's point is? So abstract. I'm a genius.

Also, for Best Review, I'm specifically pimping any and all of these:

Ashes of Time Redux (especially this)
The Constant Gardener
Fanny and Alexander
The Go-Getter
A Woman is a Woman

And the blog banner as well. I'm particularly proud of it because of it's simplicity and the in-referencing. I mean, it's the final shot of the very film that inspired this place. With initials edited over Japanese script. ♥

I almost included "Best Impression of J.D. Salinger" - for the infrequent posting bloggers who still manage to be prolific and shit - but Fletch decided to discontinue that award, I guess. Thinking about it, I wouldn't have wanted to anyway? I mean, I'm seriously trying NOT to imitate J.D. Salinger, THANKS. Even if we have the same name. Hm.

Ooh, and let's not forget the totally eligible Endings Blog-a-Thon.

Well, there's my stance, all LAMB members who read my blog at all ever. VOTE FOR ME PLEASE! I'll probably be spreading the wealth on my ballot as much as possible while still favoring blogs, so you should too! :)

LOOK AT THIS PUPPY. Who would vote against such an adorable Corgi?!

...silence...

Knew it. *huzzah.*

We Interrupt This Program of Nothingness...

...to bring you more technical nothingness. But it comes with a note!

Allo, people who may be here.

This is J.D.'s subconscious - I hacked his account! Why? Because this place is sad. And sadness makes him feel sad, which makes ME feel sad. And I seriously don't like dealing with that shit from all sides.

He's basically been sleeping and listening to music (CLICK HERE) all the time due to the appendicitis stuff. He hasn't seen a movie in theatres in weeks, and it's pissing him off. Especially that he can't see Zac Efron be gratuitously beautiful. GAH that upsets ME too. Well, since I am him, it would, wouldn't it? And wouldn't the voice who blogs for him ALWAYS be his subconscious? Ugh, this is more confusing than it should be.

ANYWAY.

He doesn't know it but he wanted this place to start echoing with the sounds of patronage again. So I took it in my hands to help him. I really have nothing beyond that to say, besides -- don't drink Mountain Dew while listening to MGMT. You can get... hallucinating-y.

Now enjoy this still of Faye Wong in Wong Kar Wai's masterpiece Chungking Express, which we re-watched last week in BLU omg.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmm.

--J.D.'s subconscious.

Trailer for Von Trier's Antichrist

Can't comment. Mind too exploded-y.

Happy Easter, Everyone!

Seriously, just because a rabbit may show up, that doesn't necessarily mean it's good. Does he even have a basket with eggs or whatever? I thought not.

Though Jakey has a nice basket.

*whistles nonchalantly, hops off down the happy bunny trail*
Also, something about Jesus, blah blah blah. Whatever.

The UK > America

Why? Because their video for The Ting Tings' "That's Not My Name" is better than ours. [Random. Thank you!] Here they are:


I can't find an embeddable vid of the US version. LOL.

So, you watch both and compare them in your mind. And then get the song stuck in your mind, forcing you to get the album and being obsessed with them. *evil laugh*

I'm right, right?!

Now, I don't have any problems with the US version, tbh. It's stunningly composed and INSANE - two things I lurve - and it's so obviously in the same style as the VMA-nominated "Shut Up and Let Me Go" which probably isn't a bad idea. But the original UK clip is just better. I mean, it's what made me fall in love with them in the first place. The crazy simplicity, the spinning camera, the way the colors bounce out (especially the blue background), the frustration and passion and tiny moments of grace all rolled into four minutes of awesomeness.

Why even make multiple vids for multiple territories anyway? It's annoying.

Anyway, WHAT DO YOU THINK? Since this isn't about what I think. And I'm misguidedly self-centered. Even though it's my blog. And without what I'm thinking you wouldn't be thinking anything about this. What? Exactly.

ETA: I also see we just passed 20,000 visits here at VD. Sweet.

My Favorite Characters of All-Time

I'm SUPREMELY late with this, but I'm attempting to recuperate from the appendix stuff so shut up and forgive me. Rooted back from Nathaniel, who tagged Dave, who tagged James, who didn't tag me because Dave already did. AND THEN, as I was actually finishing this, Miranda tagged me! Which was way too convenient. ♥

Besides the whole, you know, PAIN thing, this took so long because IT WAS HARD AS HELL TO DO. I mean, I've seen nothing really compared to most respectable cinephiles, and I just KNEW from the second I heard of the meme's existense that my final ten would be utterly reliant on emo attachments and hero worship of people from this decade. But then I thought, "maybe that's the whole point to a character being so close to your heart - being so close to your heart?" So I said fuck it and went crazy with a modernist explosion.

Making it, though, created some run-off. And unlike those Love Canal douchebags, I ain't gonna just bury them next to a school and get everybody pissed at me. So, the fifteen runners-up are:

You can see them. (waits as you do that) Yeah. Trust me, there are a lot more surprises in that than there are below. Also, it's terribly obvious I love the crazies, isn't it? Well you are what you eat. I think.

Okay, enough stalling. Here they are, my ten favorite characters of all time, or something like that. They're just pictures because I get rambly when I'm tired, and the explanatory blurbs would just be anti-subtle personalized orgasms pictures work well enough. ANYWAY. In no order:

Sophie Scholl
Sophie Scholl: The Final Days (2005)

Donnie Darko
Donnie Darko (2001)

Clementine Kruczynski
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Conrad Jarrett
Ordinary People (1980)

Briony Tallis
Atonement (2007)

Billy Elliot
Billy Elliot (2000)

Tessa Quayle
The Constant Gardener (2005)

Alexander Ekdahl
Fanny and Alexander (1982)

Beatrix -The Bride- Kiddo
Kill Bill (2003-2004)

Nausicaä
Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984)
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?! Sigh. Hm. Random, but looking at them assembled like that makes me realize how weird their last names are. Hee.

I don't think I'm going to tag anyone, except an obvious open tag for anyone who wants to do it. Like, "I tag _________". Which I do. So get cracking, skippy. Wait, who's skippy? Okay, I need to sleep now.

Losing Control

Punny.

Anyway, I'm sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth most of this week. I had, of all things, appendicitis - and was in the hospital for three days, experiencing the most vicious, debilitating, utterly horrifying pain of my entire life.

So... it wasn't very fun. :(

But they removed my non-burst appendix (phew) last night and I'm feeling a FUCKTON better now, so don't feel too bad for me. I was surprised by how well I survived having no internet and no movies and, well, anything else except excruciating pain and boredom and sleepless nights for so long. I impressed myself! Whee! Also, that picture you see in the corner? That's me, taken Monday night. Before you accuse me of it, YES, I'm consciously trying to be precocious and adorable beyond all reason. I hope it's working...? *puppy dog pouts* ... Well, that was a bust.

In contrition, here are a bazillion screencaps from Control, which I FINALLY watched last week. (I meant to make this post on Tuesday but obviously couldn't.) It's seriously one of the most aesthetically astounding films I've seen in forever. I could cap every shot if I wanted to (and practically did!), but for your sake I narrowed it down to my 21 or so most favorites in chronological order. Ocular-orgasm with me, everyone.

Ugh, going through those just reminded me how much I wanted to hug Sam Riley. And... other things of that nature. Speaking of which, OH MY GOD, HOW GOOD WAS HE?! And Samantha Morton too?! Which isn't surprising because she's SAMANTHA MORTON but still, OH MY GOD?!

Martin Ruhe, je t'aime tho. Which makes me wonder why I tend to obsess over cinematographers more than practically any other movie-related people. Emmanuel Lubezki, Christopher Doyle, Harris Savides, Lance Acord, Robert Elswit, Peter Pau, Roger Deakins, Andrew Lesnie, Zhao Xiaoding, Ed Lachmann, Seamus McGarvey, Mandy Walker, Robert Richardson, Wally Pfister, Donald McAlpine... the list goes on. It's weird, even for a weird obsession. But maybe I'm just shallow.

...and needy, and controlling, and self-centered, and pervy, and...

NOT HELPING. [/finito]